Sisters et al...

Sisters, many authors have written about them, few with any amount of understanding. Sisters can be best friends or worst enemies. I have watched with wonder, movies about and with sisters, and marveled at how sisters always seem to be close and tight in movies and books, but reality never seems to co-exist with the fantasy. So, I decided to look at my own relationship with my sisters and see if there is a validity to the angst that seems to have been created by Hollywood.

I am fortunate enough to have had 3 sisters dispersed among my 9 brothers. Let me introduce you to Mari-Ann (the family matriarch at 59), Monique (I will guess her to be about 54) and to Alice (somewhere in the middle of the family at 51). All three sisters and myself had diverse and interesting talents, quirks and triggers. I guess to examine them I must put myself up against them to see wherein the differences have affected me and choices I made.

Mari-Ann. Although she married and moved out of the house to begin her new life when I was only 6 years old, I remember my oldest sister to be one of the most gentle women in my life. She always made time for me when I was a little girl. Before she had children of her own, Mari-Ann spoiled me. She took me to movies like, "Bambi", "Sleeping Beauty" and "Cinderella". She would take me on outings of shopping and afternoon tea whith friends, I was always so delighted when she would say "let's go ..." and I knew we would have the time of our lives because Mari-Ann said it was so. I loved it when she would take me to visit friends, I was always treated special, probably because they wanted to talk, I was given hot chocolate and cookies or juice and cookies and then she and her friends would begin talking about whatever. It mattered not to me what they talked about because I had cookies, juice and Mari-Ann, my world was perfect. Well, time and tide wait for no one and changes everything and every one. And so it was with me and Mari-Ann and our relationship. Oh, she was and is still near and dear to my heart, but we both have families of our own and can't do the milk and cookies any more. I would love to go for a coffee with her now though. I have so much to ask her. When I was pregnant with my twins I remember her saying (close to the end of my pregnancy) "that looks painful". I saw the sympathy in her eyes and heard the compassion in her voice. I did not know at the time, but I was carrying over 20 pounds of babies, water and all the rest. No wonder I was ginormous, no wonder I had her pity. No wonder I felt like bawling like a baby. I never felt as close to her as I did in the days leading up to the birth of my boys and shortly after. I visited with her often as we lived close to each other and I took comfort in the words and advice she offered. Unfortunately, events along the way has driven an invisible but discernable wedge between us. I want to be able to sit and talk with her again, but somehow it would seem that is not to happen, not now anyway. I must be happy with the memories I have and hope there will be more along the way.

Monique. I don't know how to begin with Monique. I don't understand or know this my middle sister well at all. I would have to say that it is probably a horrible truth to admit that you do not know one of your siblings but truly I do not. I remember bits and pieces, some, I won't go into detail, not flattering to her or myself. There were a few years where she and I had a bit of a relationship but nothing close to what Mari-Ann and I had. I have pictures of her in photo albums that often have me wondering why she seemed so far removed from the rest of the family. I know when I was younger I watched her apartment when she went away to Europe. The first time I did this she was absolutely delighted with the job I did, the second time she was less than disappointed and I have to admit she was justified in that disappointment, I did a lousy job of it. Moniuqe had been the victim of a terrible accident some years ago now. At the time of this accident I was deeply involved in the "Born Again" faith. I was so upset about the physical health of my sister. Indeed she was in terrible shape, and from the reports I was getting from home, she was hanging on to life by a thread for several days. I prayed and wept, and even got the church family to pray for her too. Then, one day I felt an overwhelming need to let her know that I felt God was going to heal her. I wrote her a letter telling her this and both she and her husband became enraged with this. Now, I know my approach may not have been right, but my heart was in the right place. Years after (probably 5 or more) she comes to me and says "Ed (her husband) doesn't ever want to talk to you again because of that letter (not that I cared what he had to say) and I am infuriated by what you said in that letter". I apologized for having upset her, but refused to recant my original message about God healing her. Because of that and since then I have had almost no communication with her or her husband. In fact, when I was pregnant with my twins, she spoke to me at Christmas wished me luck and that was the last time I spoke to her. Her husband has since made several rude and snide comments about me to any member of the family who will listen. I can only hope that they throw it out and chalk it up to Ed being the narcissist he is. As for my sister Monique, I would love to contact her again and remain in contact with her for no other reason than she is family and I want to know her as a sister. I am afraid any effort on my part will be thwarted, but try I will.

Finally, Alice. My best friend in the whole world bar none. Alice and I have come close to flailing fists on occassion but have always found the grace to forgive each other and admit when we were wrong. Many, many times we talked about boyfriends, kids, and life in general. I could and still can go to Alice with any problem or conundrum I face and she always listens and often offers advice, some I take and some I put on the shelf to examine a little more closely. When in my late teens, Alice and I often went for long walks down by the Mackenzie King National Historic Park in Kitchener www.pc.gc.ca/lhn-nhs/on/woodside/index_e.asp (Woodside National Park). There was a train track that ran through the property on the way into "Burns" meat processing facilitly that we often walked down. Sometimes on these walks (we were of a different generation) we would smoke the odd marijuana cigarette to relax. I remember one night in particular, I had just gotten home from night school ( I was trying to complete my grade 12 the hard way) and had a little joint my friend Eric had given me for helping him with an essay. Alice had just gotten back from Europe and wanted to go for a walk and tell me all about Europe. Unfortunately on this particular night it was pouring rain, cold and miserable. Neither of us was up to our jaunt on the railway tracks so we settled for Dad's garage, what a mistake. We enjoyed our marijuana to the fullest but came crashing down when we went inside and Dad asked where we had been. We stupidly told him we had been out for a walk, we weren't wet and had taken no umbrella or raincoats...explain please girls? Dad asked us. Needless to say we couldn't. The very next morning I got an invitation to leave the house and Alice (from what I was told was given the same). We both sweat bullets but other than that Dad was the same as always. We have had our moments where we have gone our separate ways, but for me, Alice is always just a phone call away and more importantly I feel when I talk to her, I fit. Alice is my one true connection to my family. If not for her, I would not feel a part of the family. Because of her, I constantly try to become one of the larger group, I fail constantly but never give up hope of a future with my siblings. Alice and I have a great relationship as sisters first and friends second.

I cannot possibly undo the things I have done to hurt or harm the relationships with my sisters. I can, and have, apologized for hurt feelings along the way. I sincerely hope that one day both Mari-Ann and Monique can truly forgive me for having hurt them. In the mean time, I will continue to hope for forgiveness from them and a continued relationship in the future with all of my sisters.